Kagemaru Ch 8: Cold Stone Cell

   He sat huddled on the cold stone bench, tears silently running down his cheeks. Both hands were pressed over the wound in his chest, trying to stem the flow of blood. His eyes stared blankly down at the floor, the sparkle that had once shone clearly in them gone.
   He didn’t even ask why anymore. He had used to. Back at the beginning he had asked constantly. Why are you doing this? Why is this happening? Why me? He had never gotten any answers, and he no longer asked. He no longer cared to know.
   This was his new reality, and he knew that there was nothing he could do to escape it. They would never let him go. They would just keep him in this stone prison and tear him apart for their twisted amusement for the rest of his life. He was not a person to them. Merely a toy. An… experiment.
   The pain in his chest had dulled slightly, it seemed the kido was finally taking over. He had never been that good at hado and bakado, but he knew the basics of healing kido. He had been refining it ever since he had been brought here, though he didn’t know why he bothered. No, he did know. If he didn’t heal himself, the tormentors would do it. They had, once or twice when he hadn’t had the strength. He didn’t like their methods, so he did it himself.
   He took a shuddering breath and leaned his head against the wall, blank eyes now directed at the ceiling. There was only one question he hadn’t asked out loud. How long has it been? He didn’t want to know the answer, he didn’t want to ask even though he knew they wouldn’t answer. But he still wondered. Years… he knew it was years, but he didn’t know how many. Three? Five? Ten? He had no way of knowing. There were scratches in the wall where he had once tried to keep track, but he hadn’t started for months, and eventually he had given up, knowing he was missing days and not caring to keep track any more.
   No one had come for him. He had thought back then that someone would come to find him, rescue him. He had used to imagine it, the other captains finding out about it and hauling the two tormentors away, Sakabura coming down to his cell and letting him out. In his fantasy, Liyahime was there, hugging him and telling him everything was going to be taken care of, that life would be perfect again.
   But they had never come for him.
   Never…
   He closed his eyes, shivering slightly from the chill. The threadbare sleeves of his Shihakusho were torn halfway up his upper arms, having been sacrificed for bandages years ago. Now he wished he had them back. He had never imagined it would be so long, he had used to think that it would end soon… one way or another…
   He shook his head, unwilling to start thinking the same worn thoughts and wishes again. It wasn’t going to end, never. And he had only one escape…
   He sank into sleep, and the pain faded away. Just for a time…

   “Welcome back, Kagemaru.”
   Kagemaru opened his eyes, then closed them again, lips curving into a slight smile. His inner world had fallen into dusk long ago, but he still felt absolutely secure here, this was the one place he could still feel at peace.
   Hebi Buriejingu barely rustled the grass as he slid through the trees, then curled around Kagemaru protectively, resting his head on the ground nearby.
   “Dawn hasn’t returned for a long time, Kagemaru,” he hissed, and Kagemaru sighed.
   “I know. And I am sorry, Hebi Sensei.” He didn’t bother telling him why there was no sun, his Zanpakuto knew perfectly well. The giant snake merely closed his eyes, tongue flicking out a few times to taste the air.
   “You’re crying again…”
   “I know.”
   Hebi Buriejingu slid closer, and Kagemaru sat up, moving to lean against the large scaled beast. Hebi shifted just enough to get his wing out of the way, then settled it over Kagemaru’s shoulders. And there they sat.
   There was no moon in Kagemaru’s inner world, no stars. The sun was the only light it had ever needed, and now that it had set it was dim and dark. The trees surrounding them were still the same, though, and their white trunks and branches almost seemed to glow in what little light there was. Hebi’s burning eyes, the flickering of his scales and feathers, illuminated the area directly around him just enough to see faintly, but Kagemaru honestly liked it better this way. At least for now. The darkness all around, closing off the rest of the world, made his little circle of faint light feel close and safe.
   They didn’t say much of anything to each other. Hebi stayed by his side, comforting him with his silent, strong presence. The two understood each other, and there was nothing more to say that they hadn’t already said a thousand times in the past years. They had only each other, and so long as they were there, together, it was enough.

   Kagemaru jerked awake, and instantly he tensed, on edge. He heard footsteps in the hall.
   The ache in his chest returned, both from the place he had been stabbed and from the hopelessness that always seemed to crush his heart. His fingers tightened for a moment around the sheath of his Zanpakuto, but after a second he put it down next to him on the bench. He couldn’t fight back, and they were only crueler to him when he had tried. So he didn’t any more. He couldn't defeat them, they wouldn’t kill him, there was nothing to be gained from trying to fight.
   He slumped against the wall, smile gone, sparkle gone. He automatically began his low level healing kido on his partially healed chest wound, knowing it was best that he do it now rather then after… whatever other horrible thing they were planning.
   The footsteps didn’t stop. He heard them pass his cell and continue on, finally fading into the distance. He looked down, relieved but not encouraged. They would be back for him, sooner or later. And part of the agony was the waiting, the not-knowing. He couldn’t predict when they would want him again. Once he had been left alone for nearly a month, once ten minutes hadn’t even passed before they were back.
   He noticed the small vial, resting on the floor by the door, and his dull eyes narrowed. He knew what it was for, they needed to keep replenishing his spiritual energy so he could continue healing himself. It was one of the only things that even came close to an agreement between him and his captors. He healed himself, didn’t make them do it, and they in turn supplied him with a… vaguely liquid substance… that would satisfy his nutritional needs as a Shinigami.
   That didn’t mean they didn’t sometimes lace it with something. And it was that constant fear of having something horrible and/or experimental put in his dinner that made him hesitant.
   But there was no avoiding it. He had resigned himself to the absolute lack of control he had over his life now long ago. With a slight grimace of distaste he plucked the vial off the ground and downed the contents, gagging slightly at the horrible taste. A shudder ran through him and he licked around his mouth several times, trying to rid himself of the aftertaste.
    The chill that was crawling through him was one he recognized, and with a groan he stumbled back and sat down against the wall. His vision was blurring and he could feel his fingers going numb.
   So, they were coming back for him now. And this time they wanted him unconscious. Fine by him, if he was unconscious he wouldn’t have to suffer the same terror he usually did. He fought against the sedative for a minute, but when it firmly took over he surrendered. It was the only way he knew how to make sure it was fully in his system. It was the only way he could let himself go without the fear he’d wake up again in the middle of whatever they were doing to him this time.
   The world went black again, and he collapsed limply against the wall. The last thing he heard before completely losing consciousness was the sound of footsteps, and the voice of the man he had grown to hate more then anyone or anything else.
   Kurotsuchi Mayuri.